The Amazing Race 4: Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door Edition
by milesyoshidino34
Summary: Thirteen teams of two race through thirteen legs inspired by twenty-five Marioverse mediums. The first team to overcome five dimensions, two timelines, and nine galaxies to cross the finish line first wins one million coins!


_**Author's Notes**_ (12/13/14): To new readers, welcome! To returning readers, welcome back! For the unfamiliar, _The Amazing Race_ is a reality TV competition where teams travel the world to win a grand prize. In this series, the locations and tasks are inspired by the _Mario_ franchise, and the contestants are minor characters from _Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door_, a 2004 title for the Nintendo GameCube. You don't need to be super familiar with _The Amazing Race_, _PM:TTYD_, _Mario_ games in general, or the three previous races to enjoy this story (beware significant spoilers for all of the above, though).

The following is a premiere preview for Season 4, a placeholder until the official season is posted in late Spring 2015. I'm seeking possible beta readers, so if this piques your interest, please check out my profile.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Amazing Race 4: Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door Edition<br>**_**EPISODE 1.1: A Dream Come True  
><strong>_**Super Mario Bros. 2**_** / **_**Mario Kart 7**_

* * *

><p>Season 4 opened by panning across a gloomy town of brick buildings backlit by an oppressive full moon and dreary purple skies. Midnight black Crows alighted on gnarled tree branches as ragdoll-like humans, faces obscured in shadow, trudged across dirt roads. Inappropriately exuberant music contrasted this melancholy imagery as brassy trumpet lines and edgy violin runs soared above clashing cymbals and pounding timpanis.<p>

A first-person shot, like something from a shaky camera horror movie, followed someone running through the eastern woods. The camcorder's operator abruptly stopped and panned the surroundings.

"_This_ is Twilight Trail. The moon never sets and the sun never rises in this region of perpetual twilight."

The camera snapped around, revealing an orange Yoshi wearing an impish grin. Lower third text appeared onscreen, identifying his name.

**MILES: Co-Host**

"Creepy, isn't it?"

Suddenly the scene shot past his head, sped through a dark void, and arrived before a stone building reminiscent of a Gothic cathedral. A stoic-faced red Yoshi walked through the wrought iron gates.

**BLAISE: Co-Host**

"And this," he said, motioning to the property behind him, "is the Creepy Steeple. Formerly Doopliss' stronghold and the Ruby Star's resting place, it serves us today as the starting line of _The Amazing Race_."

Another scene change followed an airborne carriage of ebony wood. It landed smoothly in a clearing and opened its doors. The Creepy Steeple's spire was a distant beacon above the sea of conifers.

Miles narrated by voiceover, "The teams are…"

* * *

><p>"Dour and Darkly. Grandfather and grandson, from Twilight Town and Rogueport."<p>

Two Twilighters disembarked, the younger assisting the elder, and walked briskly to a designated trail. Dour, distinguished by his bushy eyebrows and mustache, shuffled stoopingly with a black walking cane. He wore a dull red vest over a purple long-sleeved shirt and black pants. Darkly had a red zipper hoodie over a gray long-sleeve and dark khakis. Carmine red _Race_-issue bandanas were tied around their wrists.

Footage played of Dour speaking at a press conference.

_"I've served as Twilight Town's mayor for over half my life," Dour said in a pre-show interview._

Various scenes showed him signing documents, presiding over meetings, and making public appearances.

_"My career has been a challenging road, and now retirement shines at the tunnel's end. I couldn't picture a better way to close this chapter of my life than going on an adventure to reconnect with my grandson."_

Darkly stood in a dark alley, glowing yellow eyes piercing through the darkness.

_"I like dim places. Not much to say." _

Joint clips involved teatime and a reading session inside Dour's dim house.

_"Yeah. I don't think we're going to win," Darkly said. The camera zoomed out, as if doing a double take. _

_ "We're…approaching the _Race _with a realistic mindset," Dour said diplomatically, "and the philosophy that we're never safe. Pragmatism and vigilance are our tools to get by…and hopefully win."_

* * *

><p>"Dupree and Goom Goom. Bachelors and flatmates, from Mushroom City."<p>

A blue Doogan and a Goomba paraded out. Disco disaster Dupree had a curly pink-purple afro, a shiny white jacket with sleeve tassels and matching pants and shoes, vintage gold-framed triangular shades, and a neon green belt with a star-shaped buckle. Goom Goom rocked a white-trimmed green beanie. Both wore lime green ascots.

A split-screen showed Dupree wielding a compact camera and Goom Goom operating a warehouse forklift.

_"I was doing a docker gig on Keehaul Key when I met D-Man."_

_ "Let me say I was not also zee dock worker," Dupree clarified in his French accent. "Blech."_

_ "We were in the same boat. We ditched that forsaken island pretty quick for one main reason."_

_ "No women," they said in unison._

Awkward music played as they hit a club's dance floor. Dupree butchered his off-rhythm disco moves. Goom Goom's attempted breakdancing took out Dupree's feet, and they crashed into an undignified heap. The other clubgoers stared.

_"We are so delightfully charmeeng!" Dupree exclaimed. "Our corneas shoot passionate lazers of love zat woo _les _filles to swoon at our toenails!"_

_ "What shoots what now?"_

A mournful montage followed of them swaddling in blankets on a couch, gorging on ice cream and pizza, and bawling over romantic movies.

_"When we cash in, all the ladies will flock to us." Goom Goom wiggled his eyebrows. "Maybe some cute foreign babes'll even follow us back home!"_

_ "Our plan is magnifique, no?" Dupree turned and motioned for a high-five. Goom Goom stared. Dupree remembered Goombas didn't have arms and awkwardly lowered his hand._

* * *

><p>"Eve and Podley. Once dating actors, from Twilight Town and Rogueport."<p>

A female Twilighter was helped down by a male Bean. Eve's ensemble was a purple jacket over a lilac shirt and dark violet pants. Her curly ponytail spilled out the back of her lavender bandana bonnet. Podley wore circular-lens glasses, a purple vest jacket over a white long-sleeve, and dark green pants. His bandana hung from his belt like a bartending towel.

Muffled, dated footage played of the couple as young adults—singing, dancing, and reciting lines.

_"Once upon a time, Eve and I were romantically involved," Podley said._

_ "We shared the dream of becoming stars of the musical stage," Eve explained._

A playbill graphic with her stage name, "Purehearted Eve," featured an iconic musical scene.

_"I landed a leading role on Broadshroom for _Phanto of the Opera_, but…" Eve paused uncomfortably. "Podley left me right after."_

_ "…I honestly feared I would only dim her bright future."_

_"Success meant nothing without you, you know. When I lost you, I… I lost my drive to pursue that dream as well."_

_"Believe me, that was never my intent, I…" Podley trailed off and sighed._

Present-day clips showed Podley mixing drinks and polishing glasses at his bar, Podley's Place.

_"Our relationship ended so abruptly," Podley said. "Recently, Eve tried making contact. I finally reciprocated and suggested we do this together. We're hoping this adventure will offer us some closure."_

Eve, her husband, and their three sons went grocery shopping and picnicking together.

_"There truly is no business like show business," Eve said. "Musical theater is a competitive field that pushes your physical, mental, and emotional limits. It's been years since we've been onstage, but I know our younger selves are in here somewhere."_

* * *

><p>"Flo and Maude. Stay-at-home moms, from Twilight Town."<p>

Two Crows hopped out and scurried to the trail. Both wore violet wing warmers that matched their pinup-style bandanas. Polished silver charms reading "Falconet" and "Merlin" adorned their respective necks.

A split-screen of different nests showed Flo and Maude getting their chicks ready for school.

_"I'm the chapter VP of Crow Moms International, a network for stay-at-home Crows," Flo said._

_ "She and all the other amazing members welcomed me with open wings when I was settling in," Maude said._

_ "We've become inseparable friends since! We're nicknamed 'Wilma and Betty' because we're always together."_

They flew with their husbands through the dim skies.

_"We're the community's resident _TAR _superfans," Flo said. "We've watched many seasons and incarnations, so we feel like we know the show really well. Now we're here, and we get to put our knowledge to the test! It's a dream come true!"_

They perched on a branch and conversed in an incomprehensible language. Subtitles appeared onscreen for their pre-show interview.

_"_Caw caw caw caw_!_ _(Sub.: Speaking Crow is our secret weapon.)" Maude said. "(Sub.: We call it the One-Way Mirror because we can gather information from other teams, but they can't do the same to us.)"_

_ "_Caw caw caw caw_! (Sub.: Ideally they'll think we're the wacky comic relief team, surviving by our talons on pure luck alone.)" Flo added. "(Sub.: Thankfully, we're both experienced in playing convincing characters.)"_

_ "It's a risky strategy, but we love this game too much to play conservatively. You never know until you try, right?"_

* * *

><p>"Garf and Gus. Robbo Gang members and twin brothers, from Rogueport."<p>

Two Craws leapt out and raced each other. Both had off-white V-neck shirts, black pants, gray wristbands, and forest green bandana head wraps. For differentiation, Garf's tattered jacket was white with dark green accents; Gus' jacket, the reverse.

They sparred with iron spears. Spotting an opening, Gus full-body tackled Garf, sending them both to the ground.

_"We're identical twins, but we're as different as night and day," Garf said._

_ "We don't finish each other's sentences, and I never know what he's thinking or any of that," Gus said. "But we're still super-tight. You don't watch just anyone's back through street fights and turf wars."_

Robbo leader Ishnail jabbed at a poster: "Take Down Frankie!" Trading dubious looks, Garf and Gus gulped. Ishnail ripped the poster away, revealing the next order of business: "Pay the Rent!"

_"Yeah, we're members of the Robbo Gang," Gus said. "If you've got a problem with that, tough. I don't know what to tell you. It's not like we chose this."_

_"No one sane would choose this life of poverty," Garf said._

_"Right. That's why we're here. One million coins would change everything."_

They snuck through Rogueport's back alleys. Gus jumped and whipped around, rubbing his behind. Garf hid his spear with mock innocence, failing to stifle his laughter.

_"Every day in Rogueport is a fight for survival," Garf said. "Our street smarts are our biggest advantage."_

* * *

><p>"Plenn and Thriff. Shop owners and brothers, from Rogueport and Keelhaul Key."<p>

Two mustached, green-spotted Toad men disembarked. If not for Thriff's scruffier facial hair, tanner skin, tropically darkened mushroom cap, and more toned physique, they could've passed as identical twins. Both wore green vest jackets over pale yellow shirts and multi-pocketed khakis. Shamrock green bandanas covered their right wrists.

An old photograph showed them standing proudly before their new Item Shop.

_"Thriff and I opened Rogueport Square's first shop, the Toad Bros. Bazaar," Plenn said. "For a large part of our lives, we were together twenty-four-seven."_

Another photograph was shown, this time of Thriff and a battered tent.

_"I went on the first Keelhaul Key expedition." Thriff's speech carried light pirate undertones. "Now I own me own shop, the Keelhaul Key Galleria."_

They took inventory in the Rogueport location's storeroom.

_"As shopkeepers, we understand dealing with money and interacting with people," Plenn said._

They passed a flying disc to each other on the Keelhaul Key beach.

_"And as brothers who've gone into business together, we really understand each other on multiple levels," Thriff said._

They cast their fishing lines from the Keelhaul Key dock.

_"This can-do attitude's made us successful business owners," Plenn said, "and it'll serve us well on the _Race _for sure."_

_"Aye."_

* * *

><p>"Swindell and Arfur. Friends, from Rogueport."<p>

A blue Bandit and an orange Doogan with a lettuce green ponytail bounded out. Swindell wore an ocean blue jacket over a blue robe, dark blue running shoes, and white gloves; Arfur, a matching jacket over a white undershirt, cargo shorts, navy blue shoes, and a brown wristwatch. Folded cerulean bandanas covered their foreheads.

Arfur launched Swindell into a dumpster. Swindell hopped out seconds later with some reusable parts.

_"We met on the cold, hard streets of Rogueport," Arfur said._

_ "I tried scamming him," Swindell said. "He saw through it."_

_ "Didn't have anything worth taking anyway. We became unlikely friends, and now we're trying to start a business together."_

Swindell bounded effortlessly across the rooftops. Though with less grace, Arfur wasn't far behind.

_"We've got quick feet, quick hands, quick minds," Swindell said. "I've got the eyes of a hawk, he's got the strength of a bear. We make a great team."_

They crunched numbers and ran comparative analyses by candlelight.

_"We've lived on thievery and deception most of our lives," Arfur said. "Winning the _Race _would fund our venture, turn our lives around, and let us live the future honestly and honorably. That would be sweet."_

_ "We'll do whatever it takes to win," Swindell said. "Lie, cheat, and steal? I won't lose any sleep."_

_"I'll, uh, leave you to that. Just don't break any rules."_

_ "Rules, right. Drat."_

* * *

><p>"Goldy and Grubba. Therapist and patient at the Petalburg Rehabilitation Institution."<p>

A Gold Fuzzy and an orchid-shelled Clubba with a fiery orange ponytail barreled out and released excited battle cries. Goldy wore a golden yellow bandana around one of her spikes. Grubba's was tied over his black fedora's ribbon trim. He wore black sunglasses with a black collared jacket over a gaudy, glittering golden vest and matching bowtie.

Fuzzy Horde leader Goldy made her rounds through Shwonk Fortress. Grubba suddenly bounded out from behind a wall column. She screamed at him to leave.

_"I met this li'l yella ball o' crazy my first day at the PRI!" Grubba exclaimed. "Hit it off real nice! Turned a two-minute how-ya-do into a two-hour talk 'fore I learned it was a li'l lady!" He guffawed loudly and slapped his knee. "Didn't learn her name 'til two weeks later! Yep! She came in that fine ol' sunny day and them nurses said, 'Oh Mistah Grubba sir, meet yer newest patient—' "_

_ "Lies!" Goldy screamed. "YOU'RE the patient! I'M your therapist!"_

_ "Therapeutic stress ball."_

_ "MEEEEORK!"_

A black-and-white montage showed a young, ripped Grubba wrecking other fighters with painful-looking, yet esthetically pleasing, moves.

_"Back in the day, I mixed it up in the ring an' fought my way to the martial arts throne! Wasn't long 'til 'Hubba hubba, here comes Grubba!' came outta every belle's lips anywhere I went! Darn tootin'!"_

More recent footage showed him promoting the Glitz Pit and commentating a match.

_"I stayed in the biz by runnin' the Glitz Pit. Yessiree, that place wouldn't be where it is today if it weren't fer good ol' Grubba…" _

Grubba pushed a wheelchair through a garden. Buckled in tight, Goldy was his captive audience for "The Fight Countdown: Grubba's 100 Greatest Hits."

_"I can't believe I'm stuck with you for a _month_ without the benefit of Honey Syrup or Tasty Tonic sugar highs!" Goldy looked anguished. "This is gonna be unbearable!"_

_ Grubba squeezed her to his side. "That's nice, Goldeen."_

_ "It's GOLDY! Ugh, whatever! At least I'm getting paid when we win!"_

_ "That's the spirit!"_

* * *

><p>"Laki and Mai. Train enthusiasts, from Rogueport."<p>

A green-shelled cloudless Lakitu and an orange-spotted Toad girl disembarked. Laki's awkward gait suggested he wasn't used to moving without his cloud. He wore thick black-rimmed goggles, a highlighter orange hoodie, and orange and green running shoes. Mai's ensemble consisted of a coral orange jacket over a white shirt and black athletic tights. Heart-shaped clips parted her bob cut away from her face. Carrot orange bandanas adorned their necks, train engineer-style.

The Excess Express pulled into Rogueport Station. Laki and Mai swooned.

_"We met at Rogueport Station, where we bonded over common interests," Laki said._

_ "More like common obsession," Mai said. "Trains. I kid you not, we are _total_ geeks when it comes to trains."_

_ "Unapologetically geeky geeks. Non-railfans don't get it. This is a way of life!"_

Meandering through West Rogueport's park, they chatted while drinking smoothies and carrying textbooks.

_"I know the history and location of every major train station in the world," Mai said, "and he knows the specs for every train model ever made. Like, dude, is there not something wrong with that?"_

The Excess Express left Rogueport Station. Laki and Mai swooned.

_"There are eleven globally recognized associations and six annual conventions," Laki said. "I've got over one million posts on the Big Five railway discussion forums."_

_ "I've gotten into flame wars about the OTP, or One Train Platform, of the romantic film genre," Mai said._

_ "I've won medals in amateur railway photography and modeling competitions, and I was second runner-up at last year's Locomotive Bowl: History and Construction of the Last Century and third runner-up at So You Want to Be an Engineer?: Practical Knowledge and Famous Figures. Most of my bedroom's floor space is model train tracks, and I have six shelves of railroadiana. The bottom has four albums of Mushroom Kingdom timetables, organized alphabetically by company and date, and eleven photo albums with eight of just the Excess Express. Above that—"_

* * *

><p>"Swob and Bobolink. Dating on-and-off, from Fahr Outpost and St. Petersbomb."<p>

A Bob-omb and a Bob-omb Buddy plodded to the path. Swob wore a plain raccoon fur ushanka and brown boots, while Bobolink styled an ocean blue Cossack hat and pink and white designer running shoes. Brown bandanas adorned Swob's left leg and Bobolink's golden braid fuse.

Split-screen clips showed Swob shoveling snow and Bobolink cutting fabrics and strutting on a catwalk.

_"I work in snow sanitation, SHA-SHOOM!" Swob said._

_ "I am vorld-famous clothes designer and model." Bobolink introduced herself in a very pronounced Russian accent. "Regarded highly vith peers for avard-vinnink fashion lines. But zey understand not zis relationship vith Svob." Swob's expression tensed. "Alvays ask vhy I not am datink anozer Bomb-model."_

Bobolink brought a mug of steaming hot cocoa to Swob the abominable snow-bomb. He exploded, sending snow flying everywhere…including on Bobolink.

_"Linka is my dear love," Swob told the camera. He sat alone in this interview. "I spent lots on engagement key and perfect dinner, but uh…fizzled out. Did not pop question. Worst mistake of my life, _da_. She keeps dumping me. I must show her I am Bob-omb for her, SHA-WHAM!"_

They cuddled before a fireplace. Swob leaned over and whispered sweet nothings. They were apparently poorly phrased; Bobolink visibly recoiled.

_"I am beauty and brains," Bobolink said. "Svob is brawn and…outside-box zinker. Ve have vinnink tools."_

_ "As long as we do not argue, we are unstoppable, SHA-BLAM!"_

* * *

><p>"Drak and Crimson. Distant cousins, from the Palace of Shadow and Hooktail Castle."<p>

A Dark Bones and a Red Bones marched to the path. Both wore gray camouflage bandanas around their nonexistent necks.

At Drak's signal, a legion of Dry Bones dispersed…and began dusting. Crimson slapped her forehead.

_"General Crimson Chelonii of the Shadow Army," Crimson said in introduction, "Diamond Star defense officer under Madame Hooktail."_

_ "Drak… I directly protected our queen alongside Master Gloomtail…"_

They entered the Shadow Queen's crypt and genuflected reverently.

_"We commanded immense sleeper armies for centuries," Crimson said. "We are excellent leaders. However, we cannot _both _lead this two-person squad."_

_ "Crims… I hold higher rank…" Drak reminded smugly._

_ "Well, I'm older!" _

_ "Hierarchy precedes senility…"_

_Crimson shook Drak by the shell, causing his head to fall off._

They squared off over an archaic chessboard in the Palace of Shadow's library. Chess pieces magically began flying.

_"We are master tacticians," Crimson said. "We shall control this contest from its commencement to its conclusion, handpicking our foes for the final battle. Naturally, we shall be victorious!" She cackled. Drak joined her, and they laughed evilly._

* * *

><p>"Northa and Inngrid. Childhood friends, from Fahr Outpost."<p>

Two Bob-omb Buddies cartwheeled out and skipped joyously to the path. Both wore ultramarine jackets resembling telogreikas and used navy blue bandanas as hair ties for their blonde fuse braids. Northa wore a brown ushanka; Inngrid, a cobalt blue peaked cap.

A split-screen showed Northa arranging merchandise and Inngrid tending her inn's fireplace.

_"Inna and I are close friends and neighbors since childhood," Northa said. "We know everything about each other."_

_ "We grew up taking care of family businesses," Inngrid said. "Now we own them. My guests buy from Nora's shop. Her customers stay at my inn. Very good arrangement, _da_."_

Northa did a triple pirouette and leapt from the camera's focus, revealing Inngrid spinning six plates on poles. Northa reentered the scene on a unicycle.

_"We love Ukiki Brothers Circus," Northa said. "Storytelling and artistry in motion. So beautiful_, da_."_

_ "We are self-taught performers," Inngrid said. "It is fun side hobby. Skills require physicality and focus. Body and mind strong, _da_."_

Northa hummed, stirring a pot of stew. The moment Inngrid stepped into the kitchen, Northa shooed her away.

_"Tourists are like traveling customers," Northa said. "We will always apply customer service concepts. Politeness and patience persuade others to help you."_

* * *

><p>"And Tally and Deyn. Former roommates, from Poshley Heights."<p>

The carriage doors closed behind two brunette Toads with ponytails. Both wore cerise jackets over light pink shirts, black track pants, and rose pink bandana wristbands. Tally, whose hair was longer and darker, wore an orange watch matching her mushroom cap's spots; Deyn mirrored the coordination in green.

A collage of photographs tracked their burgeoning college friendship.

_"We were randomly assigned as roomies our freshman year at Mushroom City University," Deyn said. "It was the match made in heaven! We've stayed close ever since, and now we work across the street from each other! Friends for life!"_

_"Our fiancés are resigned to the fact that Deyn and I already planned our lives together up through retirement," Tally joked. "We selected matching rocking chairs years ago."_

Split-screen shots showed Tally welcoming hotel guests and Deyn pitching Fresh Pasta to customers.

_"On the _Race_, poor communication kills," Deyn said._

_ "She works in sales, I in hospitality," Tally said. "Our people skills will surely work to our benefit."_

They strolled through a mall in designer clothes and chic hairstyles, shopping bags hanging from their arms.

_"Sure, we like our monthly mani/pedi and getting our hair done," Deyn said. "An indulgence in appearance is an investment in confidence! As long as we get good hair days, say nine out of ten, we'll be A-Okay!"_

* * *

><p>The thirteen teams slowly jogged onward in a double-file line.<p>

Blaise narrated, "One of these teams will overcome five dimensions, two timelines, and nine galaxies to cross the finish line first and win _The Amazing Race_."

The scene zoomed out, rapidly panned across Twilight Trail, and faded in to an overhead view of Creepy Steeple's entrance hall. All thirteen teams stood in an arc with the open front doors at their backs. Miles and Blaise stood before them.

"Welcome, everyone, to _The Amazing Race_!" Miles exclaimed with outstretched hands. The contestants cheered. "In just a few moments, you'll embark on the ultimate adventure of your lives! Believe me when I say you'll be doing things you never imagined! Even in your wildest _dreams_!

"This race is divided into thirteen legs, and at the end of each leg is a pit stop. Nine of these are predetermined elimination points. If you check into one of these last, you _will_ be eliminated."

"We've introduced some game-changing twists in the past," Blaise said. "For example, the ever-popular Mismatch Rod defined the essence of the Hazard. This season, however, the Hazard as you knew it is no more."

Reactions varied from surprise to disappointment.

"Several new elements have been added in its stead. One will appear as the prize for this leg: the Express Pass." Blaise displayed a laminated yellow card with a red arrow. "It can be exchanged for the next clue before or during _any_ challenge until the end of the _tenth_ leg.

"While we're talking numbers, as you are aware, there are _thirteen_ teams and _nine_ elimination pit stops. I will dispel any hopes for a 'Final Four Finale.' One pit stop might be double elimination, or one leg might have an elimination checkpoint. It could happen anywhere, at any time."

Several teams exchanged troubled glances and whispers over this unpredictable variable.

"Okay, time to shift gears!" Miles exclaimed. "We're kicking things off with a challenge directly related to you guys! If you'll take a look behind me…"

Multicolored lights filtering through a stained glass image of Doopliss bathed the foyer's rear half in an otherworldly glow. A sudden disturbance rippled the air and, like a flipbook animation, the world's pages instantaneously added new elements to the scene. Seven stone shelves standing parallel to the hall's length were constructed in seconds, and one thousand rotund little origami pigs populated them in the blink of an eye.

"That is your first challenge," Miles confirmed. "Once we give you the word, you can run over to your bags—"

Outside, near the front gates, was an arc of twenty-six backpacks, with a fanny pack and a yellow and black envelope atop each pair.

"—and open your first clue. Your instructions for completing the challenge are there, so read carefully. It's the first of many on the road to glory, 'cause one of you will be the first team to cross the finish line and the winners of _ONE __**MILLION**__ COINS_!"

The racers erupted with cheers, applause, and whistles.

Miles grinned and raised an arm. "Alrighty! The world is waiting!"

Falling into various crouching positions, the teams prepared to sprint.

"Good luck," Blaise said, lifting an arm as well.

"Travel safe." At the last second, Miles added, "Sweet dreams!"

Confusion registered on many faces.

"GO!" Miles and Blaise shouted, slamming their arms down.

* * *

><p><em>The Amazing Race: Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door Edition<br>~ Opening Theme [HD] ~_

Front and center, the _The Amazing Race_ logo floated before the Mushroom World. The planet slowed its spinning, revealing itself as the _Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door_ game disc. Electric guitar and drums kicked off a high-energy mashup of the show's opening with the game's title and battle themes.

**13 TEAMS OF 2**

A Warp Pipe sprouted through the scene and spat a plane into the sky.

Two Craws hurled their spears past the camera.  
><strong>GARF &amp; GUS<strong>  
>The Robbo twins held each other in a side hug and flexed their free arms.<p>

Two Toads sat side-by-side, doodling in sketchbooks.  
><strong>PLENN &amp; THRIFF<strong>  
>The shop owner brothers rang up a cash register and flashed thumbs up.<p>

A Bandit pitched a baseball to a Doogan.  
><strong>SWINDELL &amp; ARFUR<strong>  
>The friends balanced back-to-back atop a gambrel roof.<p>

A Lakitu and a Toad jumped Double Dutch.  
><strong>LAKI &amp; MAI<strong>  
>The train enthusiasts made jazz hands at the Excess Express.<p>

A Clubba punted a Gold Fuzzy over a fortress.  
><strong>GOLDY &amp; GRUBBA<strong>  
>The therapist and patient charged forward through grassy fields.<p>

Two Twilighters hiked through Twilight Trail.  
><strong>DOUR &amp; DARKLY<strong>  
>The grandfather and grandson creepily turned their heads toward the camera.<p>

A Twilighter and a Bean sang and quickstepped for a small pub.  
><strong>EVE &amp; PODLEY<strong>  
>The once dating actors walked out for a curtain call and bowed.<p>

Two Crows swooped in toward the camera.  
><strong>FLO &amp; MAUDE<strong>  
>The stay-at-home moms alighted on a branch and lifted their wings.<p>

A Dupree and a Goomba raised a toast.  
><strong>DUPREE &amp; GOOM GOOM<strong>  
>The flatmates posed grandly before a city skyline.<p>

Two Toads waltzed across a ballroom floor.  
><strong>TALLY &amp; DEYN<strong>  
>The former roommates twirled and flashed their class rings.<p>

Two Bob-omb Buddies snowshoed across a tundra.  
><strong>NORTHA &amp; INNGRID<strong>  
>The childhood friends performed a simultaneous front aerial.<p>

A Dark Bones and a Red Bones played high-speed Shogi with dark magic.  
><strong>DRAK &amp; CRIMSON<strong>  
>The distant cousins stomped in unison, snapping their armies to attention behind them.<p>

A Bob-omb and a Bob-omb Buddy kissed under light snowfall.  
><strong>SWOB &amp; BOBOLINK<strong>  
>The on-and-off dating couple exploded, creating a snow crater.<p>

Faster and faster the montage of places sped, ending with two moonlit figures jumping from Creepy Steeple. A planet-game disc hybrid reappeared with thirteen smaller planets circling it, but in the foreground:

**THE AMAZING RACE  
>PAPER MARIO: THE THOUSAND-YEAR DOOR<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Notes<strong>_: If you're one of the lucky few who read Episodes 1 and 2 (Version 3, briefly posted on 12/12/14) before they were removed, please don't spoil the results. Thanks!


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